Shocking Love
by hatebelow
Summary: Hermione is afraid of storms and the dark. So what does she do? Climb into bed with our Harry Potter, of course.
1. Thunder and Lightning

"_CLAP_" The storm was getting drastically worst and Hermione Granger couldn't take it. She was truly afraid of thunderstorms. Ever since she was little they scared her. She poked her bushy head out of her makeshift tent. She couldn't take it anymore, she climbed out of bed and padded down the hall to her parents room. Weird sounds were emitting from the other side of their door. She stuck her hands to her ears and turned on her heels into the other direction. She hustled back into her room and slammed the door. She slid down the length of the door and buried her head in her hands. "_PAKK_" the thunder sounded again.

It was getting to be too much for her to handle. Tears streamed down her face. The person she usually went to when she was afraid was about two towns away. She usually went to Harry. The raven-haired boy always made her feel better. But she couldn't go to him, even though she had her apparation license. It was dangerous to apparate during a storm "_CLAK_" She would risk the danger. And so, she apparated into Harry's room in number 4 Privet Drive in record time.

The room was dark and it took a moment for her eyes to adjust. She gazed around the room. It was modest; it contained only the necessities, a bed, a bureau, a cupboard and a nightstand. On the bed, she could see his raven hair sticking out from beneath his Gryffindor blanket and hear his heavy, even, breathing. Just the sound of him was enough to calm her a bit. She walked to his bed and poked him in the arm

"Harry, Harry?" He sat up on his bed. His hair free rippled chest was bare and she could just see the line of his boxers. He looked slightly dazed and his eyes were still full of sleep.

It took him a moment to realize who he was and where he was. He examined the room. There was a silhouette standing next to his bed. A short, frail figure with large hair. "_CLAP_" There was a bright flash of lightening and the frame gave a leap and whimpered. Wait, he knew that whimper.

"Hermione? What are you doing here?" he asked still in a trance from the sleep. The thunder roared and Hermione shrieked. "I...I got scared of the storm and...Never mind." she said bracing herself to apparate,

"Wait" he said. He pulled back the cover. "In"

"But Harry you...um...you...uh"

"_Accio Shirt"_ A white t-shirt came soaring across the room and into Harry's hand. "There" he said. "In"

"Harry! You can do wandless magic?" she asked. Her fear subsiding just for a moment replaced by amazement. "That's remarkable"

"Thank you. Now, In." he commanded patting the spot next to him.

"No Harry. I'll be fine." she said. "I'll just go home." The storm's fury return. Thunder roared and the lightening gave a clap. Hermione leaped onto the bed beside Harry, while he chuckled.

"Do not laugh at me you dumb wanker."

"Sorry, besides who needs wanking when you're here?" She pulled the pillow from behind her back and hit Harry over the head with it.

"I give up, I give up, besides we're going to wake Vernon and the gang." he said making Hermione stifle a giggle. He laid his head down on the pillow and closed his eyes.

Hermione too lay down. She snuggled into Harry's chest and closed her eyes. She simply wanted to inhale the scent of him. He smelled of clean linen, sweat and that spicy soap he used. He automatically wrapped his arms around her neck and stroked her long chestnut locks. During their sixth year, Harry and Hermione had grown notably close. They did everything together, including sleep. In his arms, Hermione completely forgot about the lightening and thunder. She buried her face in the crook of his neck.

"I love you, Harry."

"Uh-huh" he said and began to snore lightly. She sighed. She knew he didn't return the feeling. It was just a matter of time. "I love you, too" he grumbled before falling back into his state of hypnosis. Her heart was elated. She finally relaxed her body and quickly fell asleep.


	2. Morning After

A/N: Hello my fellow fan fiction fans. I'm in a splendid mood and I thought that I would indulged you guys with another chapter of this fic even though this was a one-shot. My style of writing has changed a little bit but it still has the same basis. I hope you enjoy.By the way this must be the longest chapter i have ever written. And now on to our feature presentation.

The next morning the sun shone brightly, as it usually did after a particularly good shower. Harry Potter and Hermione Granger lay fast asleep oblivious to the commotion building around them.

"The boy has got some little chit in there Vernon. I'm telling you. It's the same girl who was here the last time. I don't know why you don't believe me. See for yourself. Go ahead take a peek," whispered Petunia Dursley, always the snoop, as she stood outside Harry's door early that morning.

"He hasn't got a girl in that room Petunia." Dursley sighed with a heave of his rather large chest and portly stomach. "What girl would want to sleep with him?"

"It's that girl he's always sending the ruddy OWLS to." She said the word owls as though it were a curse and not a simple animal. "I know it is. Go take a peek."

"Fine Petunia if it makes you feel any better." He unbolted the nine locks on the door and stuck his head in.

"By Jove, Petunia your right. He has got a girl! What should we do?"

"Get her out of course. I don't want those freaks breeding especially not under my roof."

"How? She's asleep. I don't want to wake her. It's not proper etiquette" he replied knowing Petunia was a stickler for etiquette. Secretly he was glad Harry had gotten a little girlfriend. The boy always walked around the house liked the entire world was on his shoulder. He deserved a little happiness even if it only lasted one night.

"If she weren't in our house then we wouldn't be able to wake her. She must go."

"Let's have breakfast and discuss this when he and Dudders wake up."

"But-"

"Now, Now Petunia, I said we would talk about this when he wakes. Until then let's have a spot of tea."

Only when he got down to the kitchen did he realize he had no idea how to make tea.

"Petunia, be a dear and make the tea."

"That's the boy's job. And if you weren't allowing him to sleep in he could be making it right this moment." She mumbled under her breath. "Serves you right."

"HARRY!" Vernon yelled. When it came to food he couldn't care less about etiquette or that girl. "Breakfast now!" he settled down to the table and waited.

Harry awoke to the sound of his name being belted by that mammoth of a man he was forced to call uncle.

"HARRY! Breakfast now!" That's all Dursley wanted to do was eat. It must be hereditary because Dudley was as wide as he was tall. That was saying something because Dudley was massive.

Harry turned preparing himself to leap out of bed when he was hindered by a slight weight on his chest and shoulder area.

'_Not again', _he thought to himself. They must have had another thunderstorm. That was the only time he woke up with a frizzy weight on his arm. Gently he shook Hermione, trying to wake her from her slumber.

"Stop" she mumbled slapping his hand away.

"Come on Fuzzy Bear. Wake up." He come to calling her Fuzzy Bear in the morning because when she first woke up, her hair resembled an American Grizzly's.

"Hardy Har Har Potter. Leave me be. Go make the damn breakfast, servant boy." She grumbled before sticking her head under his pillow. Even in the morning Hermione's dry sense of humor was intact.

"Bet you won't be calling me that next time there's a storm. Or even closer in time, when you want to be fed." She immediately popped out from under the pillow and let out a groan.

"Fine I take it back. You are the king of the world. I kneel at your feet. Just don't send me home hungry." Hermione's parents were dentists and as a result breakfast in the Granger household was generally a piece of fruit and bread. At home, Hermione put up a good front but secretly she wanted a sweet bun and bacon. Harry guffawed at her sudden 180-degree change. He hopped out of bed and threw on a pair of sweats.

"I'll be back, young lady. Behave yourself." He said with a wink and disappeared out the door.

Harry quickly descended the stairs, skipping the last three as always. He brushed through the kitchen door still caught up in his Hermione-high. Even though he complained about how she took up space and ate all his food, he loved her and her visits. He just hoped he never told her that.

"Morning all." He said as he marched into the kitchen.

"Morning." Vernon grumbled. "Food."

"Who is she?" Petunia asked not bothering to beat around the bush. Every since the summer after Sirius died the Dursley family and Harry had been on speaking turns for some unexplainable reason. Now Petunia was exercising her newfound right to talk to Harry. Slowly Harry turned around, training his face to visibly show no feeling. Underneath he was a melting pot of emotion. _'How could she know? She was Petunia Dursley of course, Neighborhood snoop. Did she know Hermione was a witch? Of course she did. What muggle girl would he have in his bed? Did she think they had sex? Why wouldn't they have? She was already in his bed' _The only thing he said aloud was "She who?"

"Don't play dumb with me boy. The girl. The girl you had in your bed." She clarified just in case he was as dumb as she thought he was.

"Hermione?"

"If that's her name, yes. Who is she? And what is she doing here?

"She is my best friend and she spent the night because she is deathly afraid of thunderstorms. She is a good person. And no best friend is not code for sex buddy." He said reading her skeptical look.

"Why didn't you ask before having someone over and if she is such a good person, why didn't you introduce her to us?" Now it was Harry's turn to give a skeptical look.

"I didn't ask because she came over while I was sleep. And I didn't introduce you because she goes to my _school_." He said, emphasizing the word school.

"So what. Any chit-"

"Hermione" he said clenching his teeth.

"If Hermione is going to be staying the night, I'd like to meet her."

"Really?"

"Come now. Go and retrieve her and wake Dudders while you're up there."

"Breakfast!" said Vernon, who until that moment had been watching the verbal tennis match in silence.

Harry sighed and turned to the stove. Luckily for the entire family Dudley was no longer on his Smelting diet. So Harry quickly whipped up coffee, eggs, croissants and bacon, before scurrying up the stairs to "retrieve" Hermione.

The door opened and Hermione popped her head out of the linen cocoon she'd created.

"Fuzzy, Up! Petunia wants to meet you."  
"She wants to what me?"

"M-E-E-T" he spelled out. She shot up as though she had been burned.

"What? You told her I was here? You idiot." She screamed throwing a pillow at his head. Harry caught it in his hand with ease. Hermione growled. "I keep forgetting you a seeker. Next time, I'll throw fire. Let's see if you can catch that."

"Up. My wand's under one of those pillows if you want to transfigure your clothing or that ugly face." He said sticking out his tongue. He ducked just in time to miss the barrage of pillows Hermione had thrown at him. "Meet you downstairs in five." She climbed out of bed with the stiffness of a mummy and stumbled to the mirror over Harry's bureau. Her eyes widened at her appearance. _'Harry was right about the Fuzzy Bear thing.' _She thought to herself. She went to the bed and scavenged for the promised wand. Her hand connected with the wand and she praised every deity she could think of. Quickly she cast a taming charm on her frizzy locks, forcing them into the soft ringlets that she was born with and transfigured her sweats and tank top into a pair of soft jeans and a muggle t-shirt. She stared intensely at her reflection in the mirror and decided this was as good as it got. Without further hesitation or thought to change, Hermione left the room and made the long descent to the kitchen.

All eyes in the room looked up when Hermione entered the room. _'She really is a lovely girl' _Petunia thought to herself. Harry went to her side when she came in and took her hand.

"Hermione this is my Aunt Petunia, Uncle Vernon and Dudley. Everyone this is Hermione." Hermione gave a small curtsey when Harry introduced her. It went unnoticed by everyone except Petunia. Harry turned away from his "family" to Hermione. "Would you like breakfast before you go home?" he sent her a secret smile. "That would be nice." she replied. She settled herself into the only empty space between Petunia and Dudley. For a brief moment they sat in silence before Petunia, taking the bull by the horn, struck up conversation.

"So Hermione, is it? What do your parents do for a living?"

"My mother and father own Granger's Dentistry about two towns over."

"They're- they're normal." She said bluntly, finding no other word acceptable. Hermione gave a soft giggle. "Yes, my parents are… normal." She said remembering how Harry told her not to use the M word. This immediately broke the ice. From that moment on Petunia was in love. She hadn't been in the company of another female who she got along with in a long time. What surprised her most was this girl was a witch. She was so normal. She wasn't the only one in love with her. Dudley too was hanging on her every word as though she were God or a rather large steak. He was practically drooling.

An hour later, Hermione stood up. "Look at the time. I must be going. My Mum and Dad are going to start worrying. It was so nice to have breakfast with you all." At once everyone fell out of the trance that Hermione seemed to cast over him or her. Harry took the hint and stood too. Everyone groaned and sent Hermione off with best wishes.

"It was lovely to have you." Petunia cooed wishing the morning would never come to an end. Come by again and bring your parents."

"I will. It was nice to meet you all." With that Harry swung his arm over her hip and steered her through the swinging kitchen door. As soon as they were on the other side, Hermione turned to speak to him.

"They aren't half as bad as you make them out to be."

"That's because they love you." He exclaimed. "What in the hell did you do to them? They aren't even that nice to each other! They were just drooling and hanging on your every word!" She giggled.

"You mean like you do?"

"Hey!" he said in disgust "I do not." She laughed and wrapped her arms around his waist.

"I was just kidding. I had fun. They aren't too bad. But I really need to get home."

"Want me to drive you or do you want to apparate?" Her eyes widened and her mouth opened a little.

"You have a license?"

He nodded. "We can take the car or the Harley."

"Where in the hell did you get a Harley!"

"Sirius. So car or Harley." She shook her head in an attempt to rid her mind of the shock.

"Best drive the car. My parents will be a little upset if I come home on a Harley with some strange boy."

"Hey! I'm not strange, Fuzzy." He said a little hurt.

"I'm just kidding, love. Keys. Now"

"Oh right." He went into the kitchen and returned with a large set of keys.

"The Dursleys resend their love." He said with a snicker. "I think someone did the M word over the Dursleys" he said in a singsong voice. They both giggled at the aspect.

"Let's go, silly." She said wrapping her arms around Harry and heading for the door.

A/N: This is all I have to give you. If I continue this fic, the next chapter will be the ride home and the Granger's house. I'm not sure if I want this to be a naughty fic yet. It would work well with the whole bouncing from house to house thing. Let me know what you think. As always I send you my love. R/R


	3. Cruising

A/N: Due to the wonderful outpour of reviews, I have decided to update sooner and in addition to that since it's the holidays I will try to update each and everyone of my fics by Monday And the crowd goes wild I know, I know I am too kind for word. Anyways, the show must go on….

Harry and Hermione made their way to the car giggling and clinging to each other hips. enjoying each other's company. Harry helped Hermione into the passenger's side of the car and went around letting himself in. He slid into his seat.

"Seat belts, m'dear. We wouldn't want anything to happen to that pretty little head. Now would we?"

"No, sir! I don't think we do." She replied clicking the small buckle into the seat. Harry slowly pulled away from the curb and off they went. He turned on the radio and switching the dials for a moment, finding a station he liked. Surprisingly enough to Hermione, Harry stopped at an American country station. He began to sing along to the song that was playing at the present.

"… Lose an earring in her drink, leave her jacket in the bathroom stall, drop a contact down the sink. Them pantyhose ain't gonna last too long if the DJ puts Bon Jovi on. She might come home in a tablecloth, tequila makes her clothes fall off…." At this Hermione could stand it no longer. She burst in a spurt of laughter. Harry turned to look at her as though she had two heads.

"What is wrong with you?" he asked.

"You… country…tequila…too much" she gasped between laughter.

"Speak English, Hermione. I will wait for you to collect yourself." He said in disdain, giving her the look Snape always gave him.

"What in the hell were you just singing?" she said sometime later after she had "collected herself", as Harry put it.

"Tequila Makes her Clothes Fall off by Joe Nichols," he stated plainly, while trying to hide a grin. He looked at Hermione's face and failed. He erupted into giggles the same time as Hermione. "Okay so maybe that is a little funny."

"I didn't know you like country music, Harry."

"I love all music. I'm just glad I'm alive to hear it."

"I know." She said somberly. They sat in silence for the next couple minutes neither of them knowing exactly what to say to the other. Then another song came on and Harry once again began to sing along.

"…Now I saddle up my horse and I ride into the city... I make a lot of noise because the girls they are so pretty driving up and down Broadway on my ole' stud Leroy and the girls say save a horse ride a cowboy. I don't give a dang about nothing I'm singing and bling-blinging." Hermione laughed while Harry sang. She was glad to see him so carefree and easy. The song ended to quickly for the both of them, as did the ride. The song ended as the car cruised down Hermione's street. "This has been 105.4 the crew; serving you up with all the newest country music." The radioman exclaimed as they pulled into Hermione's driveway. Harry turned the key in the engine turning the car off.

"Okay, Mione. Think your parents are awake yet?" Her face hung with sadness.

"Probably." She said

"Aw, honey. Don't look so sad. You know I'll probably see you within the next week." He said reading her mind.

"I know but-" At that moment the front door of her house opened, revealing her mother clad only in a house robe. She looked miserable.

"Uh-Oh Fuzzy. Someone's in trouble." Hermione looked at Harry and stuck out her tongue. They sat there for a few moments but she couldn't put it off forever.

"Okay Harry on the count of three we get out the car. 1…2…3." At that they both opened their respective car doors. Hermione's mother left the step to meet her at the car. She gathered her daughter into her arms and whispered into her hair. "Your father is furious. He thinks you were off on some escapade with some boy."

"Mum," she said exasperated, "You and Daddy both know when I'm not here, I'm with Harry. Where else would I be?" At that moment for the first time since they pulled up, Jane Granger noticed Harry Potter.

"Harry, Darling" she said with relief, "Hermione was with you?" She released her daughter to hug the lanky young man.

"Of course Mrs. Granger" he said with a chuckle, "Like 'Mione said, Where else would she have been?" He hugged the older woman tight in his arms. Harry never said it but he was very fond of Mrs. Granger. She was everything he imagined his own mother would have been had she not died by Voldemort's evil hand. She was smart and resourceful. She was as good a cook as Mrs. Weasley without all of the seasoning and sugar because of her profession as a dentist. And above all she sported an amazing set of mint green eyes. They were not nearly as bright nor as clear as Harry's but they were green all the same. And they made him feel connected to the woman who was not in any way a kin. Mr. Granger took that moment to exit the house.

"Young lady come here this instant." He too was clad only in a fleece house robe. Clutched in his right hand was a rolled newspaper. He held it downward as though to spank Hermione like a bad puppy, once she got close enough. Hermione looked down guiltily at the sound of her father's enraged voice. She was scared Harry realized. Her father hardly ever got angry with her. She was after all Daddy's little girl. She walked up to the steps at a slow pace with her head held low. Harry visualized Hermione in a funeral march.

"Coming, Daddy" she said softly. She walked to the bottom of the stairs, four steps below her father,

"Where have you been, Missy?" Harry knew better than to interrupt on her behalf. The word missy meant big trouble.

"I-I went t-to" And she started to cry. Harry sighed. That girl was always crying now and days. She wasn't always like that. For some reason, rough and tough Hermione was now a crier. Harry gently expelled the air in his lungs and went to her, despite what his still intact limbs said. He pulled her close, gathering her small frame in his arms. Her father's eyes opened wide in shock.

"Harry?"

"Please, sir. You know how afraid of thunder 'Mione is. She came over for the night." He started to fume. Harry cut him off before he could even think they did anything wrong. "Easy. We didn't do anything." He said hugging her closer "I would never do anything to disrespect you or Hermione." She was still crying into his chest. He rubbed small circles into her back. He whispered soft words into her ear, trying to soothe her. He looked up at Mr. Granger. He appeared to be a lot less angry.

"Will you come in for coffee, Harry" Harry had learned from experience coffee was Granger's way of apologizing.

"Can't, sir. I would like to take a rain check, though. I promised I would be home by noon at the latest. You know how high strung the Dursleys are."

"Oh okay." He said turning and walking into the house with one last look at his crying daughter. Mrs. Granger came to his side. She gave him a peck on the cheek and a rather awkward hug considering he was still holding the ever weepy Hermione, and left them alone on the steps

"Mione, you have to let go eventually. Plus you're crying in public again" He whispered.

"No I don't, and so what? The neighbors always thought I was strange anyway" she said against his chest. He chuckled softly and pushed her away from his body. She whined and reached for him.

"Nope," he said. "I have to go, love. Give me a kiss," Harry said mocklingly. It was an on going joke between the two. Once during sixth year, Mrs. Weasley would not allow Ron to adventure to Diagon Alley with his friends until he gave her a kiss on the cheek. Needless to say, Ron blushed several shades of violent red and the twins and Harry and Hermione were in an uproar. To this day, Hermione carried on this practice with Harry and sometimes Ron if she could get away with it.

She moved away from Harry knowing he wouldn't leave without a kiss. "Fine" he stated and turned to walk to the car.

"Harry!" she yelled

"Yessss." He said slowly turning on his heels. She ran to him and wrapped her arms around his waist. She squeezed him and snuggled into his chest, inhaling his scent.

"I don't know why you're trying to make yourself comfortable. You know I have to go."

"And?" she said. Harry rolled his eyes at her.

"Are you and your father going to be okay?"

"We'll be fine. You know daddy, shoot first ask later. Thank you for bringing me home."

"Sure thing. Stop stalling. It won't be that long before we see each other again. Owl me in two days if you don't hear from me. Okay?" She gave a deep sigh.

"Okay. I love you." Again Harry rolled his eyes at her. She pouted until he returned the sentiment. Every since Sirius' death, Hermione had been sure to make it clear how she felt about he and Ron, citing that you never know when the ones you love will be gone.

"I love you, too, big head. Now let go." She gave him a peck on his cheek and reluctantly released his hips. She stood away from him where she wouldn't be tempted to clasp him again. He walked to the car and got in. She heard the sound of the engine starting and the blare of his odd country music. She laughed to herself and waved goodbye. He twittered his fingers at her in a fashion reminiscent of Collin Creevy and reversed. Hermione laughed and headed to the door bracing herself to talk with her father.

A/N: Okay folks. Here it is. To continue or not to continue that is the question. Tell me what to do. And before you review, I already know that Harry seems a little gay. Ignore it and look only at the totally fluffy plot. Review please. Before I forget. Everyone wish my beta a Happy Birthday, She is the greatest.


	4. Nice Apple, Nice Talk

A/N: I received a request from a lovely somebody named yori-san and it was an offer too good to refuse. So I am putting this chapter out way sooner than even I anticipated. BTW there are a few swear words in this chapter I hope you don't mind.

Harry returned to the house before noon as promised. He came in keys swinging in hand, humming a country ditty he had heard on the ride home. Entering the kitchen he was shocked to see Dudley sitting at the table alone.

"Oh good Harry you're home." There was that name again before that summer they never felt the need to use his god-given name, much less this frequently. "We need to talk."

'_Shit'_, Harry thought to himself. He initially came into the kitchen to put the keys back on the hook and grab an apple. He couldn't pass Dudley over. He had, after all, just learned how to talk like a "big kid". Harry sighed reluctantly and pulled out the chair across from Dudley that his mammoth of an uncle had vacated early, but remained warm because of his great buttocks. Harry settled into the seat.

"What is it, Dud?" He took great pleasure in calling him Dud. Not only was it his name, it was a completely accurate description.

"Well Uh…Um Your friend…That is to say Hermione…Um..Is she…Well Um-?"

"Spit it out."

"IsHermionesingle?" he slewed.

"What?" Harry asked knowing full and well what Dudley had just asked.

"Is-Hermione-Single?" He said as though Harry was the lout. Harry couldn't believe his ears this was rich, just too rich. He would have to owl Ron later on.

"Yes. Why do you ask?"

"I was wondering…if um…maybe … she would go out with me." Harry feigned an interested look. In all reality, he wanted to laugh so hard he would get splits in his sides. When he looked back on the incident, he prided himself on his control.

"I don't know Dudley why don't you give her a call and ask. You're a good looking guy any woman should be honoured to have you on her arm for the evening."

"You think?" he said hopefully.

"I know." Harry affirmed with a fake confidence. "As a matter of fact, I'll go and retrieve her number right now." Without another word, Harry ran out the kitchen and up to his bedroom. He held in his laughter until he had safely made it behind his closed door. Then he nearly busted his gut trying to get all of the laughing out of the way. He knew Hermione's telephone number as though it was the Holy Grail but he really needed to get that out of his system. He jotted her number down on a scrap of paper and ran down the step, skipping the last three as usual, to deliver it to Dudders. By the time he reached the kitchen, he was slightly out of breath but none the worst for wear. He handed the scrap of paper to Dudley.

"Here you go, Dud."

"Um Harry. I know this may sound funny. But I have no experience at this sort of thing."

"Really? I couldn't tell."

"Really? Good. Because I think…I think I'm kind of in love with her." This caught Harry by complete surprise to say the least. At that moment the little angel on his right shoulder reared its ugly head. The angel unsurprisingly sounded and looked a lot like Hermione.

'**_Don't do this Harry. You know it's wrong. It's not right to play with a young boy's heart_.' **

Luckily the devil showed up on his left shoulder just in time. The devil, to no one's dismay, took on the appearances of Ron Weasley.

'_Come on Harry. Don't listen to her this is a once in a life time opportunity to get back at Dudders and the entire lot for what they did to you all these years_.'

'**_But Harry they have seen the error of their ways_.'** Said angel Hermione.

'_Only because they thought your godfather was a mass murderer. And then they were threatened by a few of your peers who happen to be upscale members of the wizarding society_.'

'**_Harry you know better_.'**

'_Yea you do_.' Said Ron. Harry knew at that moment what he was gong to do.

"Look Dud. It's fine if you don't have experience with this sort of thing and since I know Hermione better than anyone, you have come to the right place." God bless that devil Ron's little red heart for making him see how good of an opportunity this really was. "Now when you call, Hermione will probably answer the phone so, just jump right into it. Hermione doesn't like when people beat around the bush. Just say 'Hello this is Dudley Dursley and if it is okay with you I would like to go out some Friday night and I am madly in love with you' Be frank and to the point. And I wish you the best of luck."

"What if she says no?"

"Then hold your head up proudly and know that you were a brave man in the face of adversity." He clasped Dudley by the thick shoulder. "Let's go." This was loads better than that apple he intended to have when he first walked through the door. He steered Dudley by his beefy shoulder to the nearest phone, which happened to be in the living room. Reading the scrap of paper, Dudley slowly entered the number into his touch-tone telly. Harry took a seat on the step where he had a wonderful view of the action about to take place. The phone rang three times. Just when Dudley was about to replace the receiver, someone on the other line picked up and said hello. Dudley immediately and in a very harassed voice, said what Harry told him to say.

"Hello. This is Dudley Dursley. We met earlier today. I would like to go out on Friday night if it's okay with you and I just thought you should know I am madly in love with you."

"HERMIONE!" her father roared. Dudley nearly dropped the phone out of fear. He had been so anxious that he forgot to listen to the voice of the person who picked up the phone. Harry winced trying to hold in the pesky snicker that threatened to erupt at a moments notice. Harry had expected it to be her father, seeing as Harry had given Dudley the number to his private line. Harry tried his best not to breathe so that he could hear Hermione's end of the conversation. On the other end, they heard light footsteps running quickly to the phone.

"EXPLAIN!" her fathers voice bounded through the line as clearly as if he were standing before them.

"H-hello." Hermione said timidly. And Dudley had to start his shtick from the beginning.

"Hello. This is Dudley Dursley. We met earlier today. I would like to go out on Friday night if it's okay with you and I just thought you should know I am madly in love with you."

"O-Oh" Harry could clearly see Hermione in his head looking at her father in fear and amazement. "Umm Okay. What time?"

"I will pick you up at seven." Dudley said visibly relieved. The worst was over.

"Okay. Um Dudley, would it be okay if I spoke to Harry for a moment." Dudley hadn't been expecting this he had wanted Hermione all to his self, although she was Harry's friend.

"Sure." He said not knowing what else to say. He handed Harry the telly, who looked as shocked as Dudley.

"Hello." Harry said.

"Ferrin dobley redor mellen kendu felema rinalles." The prior year at Hogwarts Harry, Ron and Hermione had concocted a secret language of their own. Translation: Expect a letter from me tonight, Prick. With that she slammed the telly onto the hook. Harry listened to the dial tone for a moment before following Hermione's lead and replacing the receiver.

"Good show, Dud." He patted his cousin on the back and ran the stairs laughing all the way.

A/N: Okay yea I know short and lousy but you have no idea how important this chapter is to my new and improved amazing plot. Many thanks to yori-san for the most awesome review I have ever received you are an angel among angels. AND as with every fic I have written lately. Wish my beta, hermione2405 a happy belated birthday.


	5. Author

Ducks potsand pans from the crowd. I am SOOOOOOO Sorry about everything. Okay I have had a slight problem I know **Exactly** how I want this fic to move but I cant make it flow. SO my beta and I are working on it. Im trying so hard and your review motivate me. I feel SOO guilty for not updating. Within the next week I hope to have in a chapter for this fic and maybe if I feel extra motivated I will do one for Get Some Love. I thank you again for you patience and hope you read once I update. More Country Harry and Nervous Dudley to come. If you have a song you would like included somewhere in this fic I shall add it just let me know. Once again thanks to yori-san for the hilarious review which started this nonsense.


	6. With us

A/N: Please don't shoot (ducks pots and pans) I apologize in the most humble way I know how for not updating. I have been walking around with this idea in my head for weeks now. My beta has overload in her real life, so this is unbetaed. we luv her anywayIf anyone would like to help out in my time of need… This isn't a very long chapter it bearly qualifies but I will try to update again tomorrow. Cross your fingers and enjoy.

When he reached his room, Harry collapsed onto his bed in a fit of laughter. Obviously not a good idea. The dust from his mattress got into his face causing his to choke slightly. After a few seconds it passed and he lay down in the middle of his unmade bed. He reached into his nightstand to pull out his mp3 player. The small piece of technology was his guardian angel. Whenever he went to long without his friends, music became his friend, his comfort in a time of trouble. He put the small earphone into his lobe and hit the "On" switch. Loud, thundering music pulsed drowning out the sound of the world around him, bathing him in the world, almost like magic.

_What you feeling when you hold me tight, _

_Gonna cuddle up to you tonight. _

_Gonna get you feeling so secure. _

_Listen child, don't you see there's a cure. _

_Anywhere got to get you away, _

_Feels so good, think it's gonna be a new day. _

Music of the Iron Maiden pounded into Harry's ear. He hummed along as it rocked and calmed him, similar to a lullaby whisking him away to dreamland. Letting down his guard, Harry released his grip on consciousness and faded into sleep.

Harry woke a while later to a tenacious tapping on his window. Feeling slightly groggy, he ignored it. Only to find a few minutes later, the tapping had moved to his forearm. He pried his eyelids apart. Gently the blur began to fade and he could clearly make out the form of his owl, Hedwig, carrying a red letter. '_No one uses red envelopes'_ he thought. He sprung up in a trice. '_Holy shit the only things that came in red envelopes were Howlers_.' He scrambled from the bed fully awake now. Silently using only his mind, he cast a silencing charm over the room. Delicately, he removed the red envelope from Hedwig's small feet. "You had better go out for a while, love." He said affectionately to his owl. "Hermione is gonna blow." Hedwig's eyes widened a bit in understanding and she disappeared into thin air. Harry didn't know how she did it. One random day, he had been feeding Hedwig only to look up and see her disappear. If he didn't know any better, he'd think she was trying to pull a Scabbers on him. But back to that woe-be-damned letter. He held it gingerly between his thumb and forefinger, as though it had a ripe odor, which in all actuality it smelled of Hermione's lovely scent. The letter began to hiss in his hand, and Harry realized if he didn't open the letter, it would open itself. With a sigh and immense caution, Harry ripped a slip in the crease of the envelope. Hermione's, at the moment, boisterous voice filled the air.

"_Harry James Potter, You Jackass. The-Jackass-Who-Lived, Savior of the Jackass World, Jackass with Emerald Eyed, You are a cock face. At the moment, I hate you with a passion that rivals the giant squid after you have thrown him a (what do squids eat?) and taken it back only to give it to a land animal. How could you? I mean honestly, I know you want a laugh but this is too much I am so very angry and have a headache. I am going to sleep it off. Hopefully when I wake up tomorrow this will all just be one big nightmare. Goodnight, fool." _The letter sizzled and went up in a ball of flames. Harry laughed only Hermione would have a howler at hand.

He reached for a scrap of paper to send her a response.

"_I love you too, Mi. It was all in the name of good fun. Besides there is nothing you can do now save let the date run its natural course. What you want me to do go with you? here he inserted a cute happy face_

_Lots of 3,_

Harry"

He sat the note on the windowsill where Hedwig was sure to find it. Chuckling at the events of the day, Harry reached for his mp3 player and lay on his side on the thin mattress. Once again the fog of sleep claimed him. What seemed like mere minutes later, he woke to the familiar feeling of tapping on his arm.

"Not right now, baby. I have a headache." He said groggily to what he knew was his owl. He peeked through one of his eyelids to gauge Hedwig's reaction. She looked quite ruffled, almost human in her surprised demeanor. "Just kidding, Hed. Can I have the letter please." He said calmly, knowing she came bearing Hermione's response. She held out her leg and dropped he usual sheet of lined paper into his thin lap. He opened the letter to read four little words that rocked his entire world.

"Yes come with us."


	7. What's procreation

A/N: Okay i'm SOOOO sorry for notupdating and i dont think you can call this chapter an update because of how short it is but i couldnt bring myself to lump it with the next chapter.inother words this is a filler. i have misplaced my beta and dont know where to finds her.

He leapt from his bed and ran down the stairs, careful to skip the infamous creaky stairs near the bottom as always. Unlike usual, he fell, nearly flying into the small table and throttling himself in the process. Grabbing the phone, he quickly dialed the number so familiar to him.

"Hello, Granger Residence" sang Hermione's sweet voice.

"Are you out of your bloody mind?', he spat.

"NO, ARE YOU? Who the hell do you think you are anyway setting me up with your whale of a cousin? You're a git."

"I just wanted a laugh. You shouldn't have gone along with it."

"Well now you have to go along on this date with us or else I'll tell your cousin that you set him up to fail."

"Fine. You bitch." he yelled and slammed down the phone, chest heaving. He had just called Hermione a bitch. He picked up the phone and dialed her back.

"Hello, Granger Residence." she said a little deflated from her prior conversation with Harry.

"I'm sorry luv. I didn't mean it."

"It's okay. I'm sorry, too. So will you come to with me. Please you can even come under your cloak. Please Harry?" She could hear him losing momentum.

"Alright, alright I surrender. I'll go along."

"Thank you so much Harry. Friday at seven okay?"

"Yes I remember. I have to go make dinner now. Love you."

"Love you too." Harry gently replaced the phone on the receiver. He decided to have a before dinner snack, maybe that apple he had promised himself earlier. No he was up for something more exotic, maybe a kiwi. He nodded his head and walked in the direction of the kitchen. Pushed the door open, he was shocked to see Dudley sitting at the table.

"Hello Harry. I was thinking we could have another small talk." Harry sighed inwarding, making an attempt not to kill Dudley. Now, he was no Dursley but he got hungry too. He was already thin and Dud wanted to hinder his daily intake. But instead of voicing all of this he said

"What is it, Dud?

"I was wondering if you could give me some pointers for Friday night. "

"Pointers?"

"You know, stuff like where to take her, what to order, things to say."

"Look, Hermione isn't a difficult girl to get on with even if she doesn't fit the normal mold. Be nice to her. You know the usual stuff like pull out her chair, tell her she looks nice, etcetera."

"Okay, nice dress, chair. Okay. What else?"

"That's pretty much it. After that my man, instinct will kick in an procreation will begin." He stood and pushed in his chair and went to the counter to retrieve his much wanted fruit.

"Harry?" Dudley asked barely managing to turn in his seat to look at him.

"Yea, Dud?"

"What's procreation?" Harry gave a sigh grabbed his fruit and left the kitchen.

A/N: Told ya it was short but if some wonderful personshelps me out by betaing this will go WAYYYY faster for us all.


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